We all want a quick fix for our suffering, and there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed of that desire. How could we not want that? Our yearning to delete our suffering — whether it be in the form of chronic pain or otherwise — is also our yearning to embrace aliveness and wholeness.
The tricky part is, we can’t step into wholeness by splitting off from the part of ourselves that is suffering. After the initial wound — whatever experiences triggered our physical and emotional pain — it’s this drive to cut off the suffering that can actually perpetuate the suffering, because we’re trying to exile a part of ourselves.
Instead of yelling at your suffering, ignoring it or trying to make it go away, what if you turned toward it with the warmth and steady confidence of a gardener tending to a crumpled flower? Without trying to fix it or change it or chase it away, what if you just offered your suffering a spot in the sun, all the time that it needs to heal, and all of the love, acceptance and affirmation that will nurture its healing?
Contrary to the messages of our social conditioning, healing can’t be forced or rushed. Healing is an innate process — just like growing. We can allow our healing to unfold at its innate pace by:
👉 Protecting it from harmful environmental elements (like those socially conditioned messages telling us that we’re not good enough.) And…
👉 Nurturing it with the patience, encouragement and love it needs.
If this description makes you want to scream, I totally get it. This is way easier said than done. Believe me, I can relate.
A powerful first step is to un-blend your core self from your suffering part: To recognize your inner gardener and your inner suffering as two distinct parts, even though they’re both inside of you.
Maybe this sounds weird, but if you’re curious to explore, you could try out a journaling dialogue between the two parts. Maybe it goes something like this…
Inner Gardener: Hello, dear suffering part. Is it okay if I sit with you and ask you how you feel?
Inner Suffering: F off! Get the *** away from me!
Inner Gardener: It’s so understandable that you feel that way. I love you. Is there more?
Inner Suffering: I’m so angry and frustrated and sad!
Inner Gardener: It’s so understandable that you feel that way. I love you. Is there more?
And on and on until trust starts to develop and the suffering begins to understand that it can lean into the gardener’s steady support.
With warmth, gentleness and tremendous faith in you,
Anna
➡️ If you need support with chronic pain and anxiety, take my FREE QUIZ called “Why the *bleep* am I still in pain?!” so I can help you get some clarity.
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