Do Your Relationships Need To Change in Order for You To Heal?

A common trigger of inner tension, distress and chronic pain is this dilemma:⁠⁠

👉 Do I banish a loved one who has hurt me, so that they can’t keep hurting me… but then suffer the loss of the relationship?⁠⁠

👉 Or do I keep the relationship with my loved one… but then suffer as they continue to hurt me over and over again?⁠⁠

This is a dilemma between choosing the pain of healing and grieving, or the pain of ongoing injury.⁠⁠

And you may find that there really is no third option that works for you — that choosing to heal means ending the relationship, as painful as that may be.⁠⁠

Or you may find that the path to healing that works best for you is a third option: To keep the relationship, but set a firm boundary on behaviors that injure you, physically or emotionally.

This may be very difficult, but if it’s what you truly want — and if it actually feels possible — then it might be the path that you choose.⁠⁠

Whatever your situation, needs or preference, one thing is consistently true:⁠ We cannot heal an injury when we continue to be re-injured. It just doesn’t work.⁠⁠

Whether we end the relationship or keep it, we need to put a stop to the injurious behavior if we want our nervous system to feel safe enough to heal — emotionally and physically.⁠

This is easier said than done, and it’s important to consider your own safety first when setting boundaries. Start with small, doable steps. Maybe the first step is confiding in a trusted and supportive friend. You don’t have to do this all at once. You can take one step at a time.