Teabag Your Way to Infertility with the Genital Jacuzzi

It’s crazy, it’s inconceivable and it’s sheer genius. So genius in fact, that this birdbath for balls (you were forewarned) has been awarded the prestigious Dyson Award. Its creator, Rebecca Weiss, a German industrial design graduate from the University of Munich, garnered top prize at Germany’s coveted Dyson awards for this most unconventional form of male contraception, a “testicle bath” to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Rebecca came up with the idea for this sperm-stopping sauna after being diagnosed with cancer precursor cervix due to contraception with the pill. She wanted to find a safer alternative for contraception and turned her focus to men, rather than looking to traditional methods that address women. She unveiled the results of her work as part of her master thesis.

Called COSO, the Apple-like device is described on the site as an “ultrasound-based, reversible and hormone-free male contraceptive device for home use.”

To use this baby-blocking bidet, the bather simply adds water up to the indicated mark which is set together with a doctor according to individual testicle size. After heating the water up to the required temperature, the testicle bearer then spreads his legs and sits down to place said testicles in the device.

The ultrasound process continues for a few minutes. The remaining time can be monitored in real-time via the COSO app. After the treatment, the device switches off automatically.

Possibly the best description for the process was provided by IFL Science . suggesting “you teabag your way to (temporary) infertility.”

Can you imagine the television advertising for this bad boy? You can just picture the scene, sweat-clad muscular male girthed in a loincloth walks purposefully into a candlelit carved stone chamber to the accompaniment of soft chanting in the background. The COSO rests on a lowered plinth, bathed in a ray of moonlight. The camera pans away as the loincloth hits the floor and… (some teabagging is not for public consumption).

How does it work?

Joking aside, the product works and one dunking can result in a few months worth of vastly immobilized sperm. The effects are not permanent and your legions will recover their full motility in time. The COSO’s prophylactic process works by employing ultrasound deep heat for several minutes to temporarily halt sperm mobility in the testicles, effectively preventing swimmers from fertilizing the female egg.

The COSO must be used for the first time under your doctor’s advice and takes around two weeks before the full effects kick in, after which it needs to be employed every couple of months to work. As its effects only last a maximum of six months, it won’t permanently prevent men from becoming fathers. Weiss says;

“COSO offers a user-friendly contraceptive approach that is easy to use without any kind of physical intervention, pain, or previously known side effects.”

Which in turn is fantastic news for women, who for decades have been forced to resort to invasive birth control devices and medications with questionable safety profiles to stave off unwanted pregnancies. The burning question is though, will men willingly adopt the COSO?

The answer is probably not, they’ll require a little coercion, which shouldn’t prove to be a hurdle. I suspect our female counterparts may possess all the incentives required.

According to IFL Science, progress on COSO has been slow, which experts attribute to a reluctance by pharmaceutical companies to invest in male birth control. While studies support COSO’s efficacy, getting men to attend multiple contraceptive appointments will prove a challenge.

COSO now faces a clinical testing phase so it can finally be made available to the public. Watch this space and work on those puns in the interim.