That is what it feels like taking care of Covid-19 patients for almost a year now. It is the same thing: they get sick, they come to the hospital, they get worse, they come to the ICU, they go on a ventilator, they stay on a ventilator for weeks, and then they die.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Sure, we have had some successes. But they are very few and very far in between. I think I can count on one hand the number of patients who actually made it alive and well after critical illness due to COVID-19.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

It’s gotten very old, the death. It’s gotten very old, the destruction. It’s gotten very old, the terrible suffering we see our patients going through.

We are tired, nay, exhausted. It is tiring to see patient after patient die a miserable death. We are so ready for this pandemic to be over, but with the slow rollout of the vaccine, the hesitancy of a substantial portion of the population (including healthcare professionals) to get the vaccine, and now these worrying SARS CoV-2 variants, Covid is going to be with us for a long time.

That is depressing, because we know that this will mean more death, more destruction, and more suffering on the part of our patients. It seems that it will be a while yet before the cycle of “Lather. Rinse. Repeat.” will finally go away. Very depressing, indeed.

It’s gotten very old, the death. It’s gotten very old, the destruction. It’s gotten very old, the terrible suffering we see our patients going through.

Yet, in this distress, in this fatigue and anguish, there is a silver lining. It means that we still care, we still have a heart that is filled with compassion.

If we really didn’t care about the suffering of our patients, then why would the scale of death and destruction bother us? If our patients were nothing more than carcasses to us, why would seeing so much suffering gnaw at our very souls? If we didn’t care at all, we would be totally fine with the pain all around us.

But, we do still care. We still have a heart that aches in pain for our patients and their families. Our hearts have not been hardened and ossified completely to the point of no return. That is very reassuring, and it brings me a modicum of peace and light in the overwhelming darkness of this pandemic.

Now, I do not make light of the moral distress that has been brought to bear on clinicians the world over. For far too many, this moral distress has hardened hearts and led to burnout. It has also led to many suicides among physicians and other clinicians. This is horrible, and we need to do all we can to help treat the moral distress which plagues far too many of those in our field.

That said, as much as I am growing tired of this pandemic and the ceaseless “Lather. Rinse. Repeat” cycle of death and destruction, there is a small part of me that is relieved. This is because it means that I still have a heart that is full of compassion and care. And I thank the Beautiful Lord for that.

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If you want your arm all over social media, reach out to us via email at vaccinechallenge@medika.life and we’ll make you famous (sort of). The #vaccinechallenge is all about highlighting the safety of the covid vaccine and restoring faith in the vaccination process. Your voices and contributions make a massive difference, don’t underestimate their importance. We’d also like to add that no elves were injured in the construction of this page.

So without further ado, welcome to our gallery of medical warriors without whom we’d be lost.

Dr. Julie Grimes, OBGYN, Austin, Texas

I am doing this because I want 2021 to be the year of the hug! So thankful for science and cooperation to make this happen for all of us

Jessica McNeills, Certified Nurse Midwife, Parkland Hospital, Dallas, Texas

Thankful to have access to healthcare options that can protect my life and others, and hopeful for the future

Veronica Oviedo, Labor and Delivery Nurse, Baylor Scott and White, Irving, Texas

I am proud to be a frontline worker and make decisions to improve/save lives #thankful

Dr. Andrea Arguello, OBGYN, MacArthur Medical Center, Grapevine, Texas

Have never been so excited to get one of these! Sleeping a little more soundly tonight knowing my daughter, family and patients are a little safer.

Hujefa Vora, Internal Medicine, Arlington, Texas

Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Fatigued. These are the emotions that have defined our existence on the front lines of the COVID-19 pandemic over the last 9 months. We have watched helplessly as many of our patients and loved ones have slipped away. We have held the hands of patients who have passed on in respiratory isolation, their loved ones on the phone and miles away. But I have seen joy when the infection overwhelms, and the body and spirit fight on, conquering the virus and returning our patients to health. We have seen families reunited after long battles in the hospital or at home in quarantine. We have seen hope. We have known Love. I have seen the fantastic power of the human spirit. I have seen God’s love and the power of prayer. There were moments when I felt that I could no longer fight for myself or anyone else, when the exhaustion would creep in and leave me battered, bruised, and almost beaten. But we are physicians. And we work with amazing powerful nurses, medical assistants, medical techs, administrators, therapists. So I saw unexpected acts of bravery that I may never see again from my colleagues and friends. I saw us fight an unknown adversary. Courage and honor as we wrapped our patients in an armor of hope. I have seen hands that are raw from washing and sanitizing and wringing, but there was never any giving up or giving in. And today, at the hospital where I have seen and experienced all of this, there was a moment where my hope was recovered, where I became recharged and ready to step back onto the battleground. I saw the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, the sun peaking over the horizon at the end of a cold dark night. The promise of a new day. The vaccine. I want to thank all of my colleagues and compatriots who have shared this year with me and my family, and my staff without whom none of this is possible. We have shown that together, we are stronger, and we will overcome…

Sarah Vignali, RN, Fort Worth, Texas

Moritz Bartels, OBGYN, Tacoma, Washington

The beginning of the end of the pandemic. I’m so grateful to be able o do this

Dr. Ethan Nguyen, Anesthesiologist, Texas Health Resources, Euless, Texas

Hopefully this is the beginning to the end of the pandemic. So grateful to get it.

Elf on a shelf, LaborUnit, Bayer Scott and White, Irving, Texas

As per Santa’s directive, I’m safe to wrap presents. Anyone missing a syringe?

Dr. Danielle LeBlanc, Plastic Surgeon, Fort Worth, Texas

So grateful to get my first round of Covid-19 vaccine today

Judy Busch, Labor & Delivery Nurse, Baylor Scott and White, Irving, Texas

Taking care of me so I can take care of you

Jennifer Willoughby, Surgery Technician, Texas Health Resources

Round 1 of my vaccine…here’s to the beginning of the end of this awful pandemic!

Dr. Mitch Carroll, Geriatrician Dallas, Texas.

As a Geriatrician, I am proud to get the Covid-19 vaccine today. This step helps keep my family and I safe and allows me to reduce the risk of transmitting the virus to my high-risk patients. I trust the science!

Tracy Speight, OBGYN, Health Central Women’s Care, Dallas, Texas

It’s a better day today!

Jay Patel, Interventional Radiologist, Baylor Scott and White, Irving, Texas

Just got the #covid vaccine and it feels like a new chapter has begun.

Dr. Julian Escobar, Fertility Physician, Irving Texas

COVID vaccinated. What else would you want more in 2020 when you interact with dozens of people daily? Thank you, Scientists. Thank you, Virologists. Thank you, Immunologists. Thank you Health Care.

Sarah Abbott Chang, Internal Medicine Physician, Baylor University Medical Center, Dallas, Texas

Here’s to hope – Team Vaccine!

Dr. Naomi Levy, Pediatrician, Memorial Herman, Houston, Texas

Felt a mixture of overwhelming relief, joy, hopefulness, gratitude, and awe as I received my first Covid vaccine today

Carissa Brown, RN, Rush University Medical Center, Chicago

Best Christmas present ever – thanks Science. Covid does not care who you are. It does not care where you live. how old you are or who you voted for. Covid does not care if you think it is real or not. With Covid you may have a mild cold for a few days, you may struggle with a loss of smell or taste for months; you may die. I have seen friends, family, and coworkers on all ends of this spectrum over the last several months, which is why I feel so lucky to be able to receive this vaccine. As healthcare workers, we will sleep a little easier knowing our patients and those we love are safer due to these advancements.

April Wilson Bleich, Maternal Fetal Medicine, Fort Worth, Texas

Got my shot today. Thankful for modern medicine and all the researchers that made this possible. One step closer to beating this sucker.

Dr. Greg Tichenor, ER Physician, Texas Health Resources, Euless, Texas

I am so thankful I was able to get my first dose of the Covid Vaccine Wednesday. This week, two of the patients I’ve admitted for Covid-19 have died and I attended (via live streaming) the funeral of a co-worker who died of Covid. Special thanks to my hospital system, Texas Health Resources, and the whole staff at Texas Health HEB for doing everything they can to protect staff.

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