Pain is a danger signal that’s created by the nervous system when it feels unsafe. Sometimes the danger is a physical wound, like a broken arm. But when pain is chronic, the danger is more often an emotional wound that has gone unacknowledged and therefore untreated.

All wounds — whether physical or emotional — need to be treated in order to heal. Unfortunately, culture has trained us to ignore emotional wounds, which leaves them festering and untreated for years on end. Our cultural conditioning is so ingrained that we may not even be aware of our emotional wounds.

How do we reverse this cultural habit of emotional invalidation, which keeps us chronically unwell?

First, we need to look at the cultural beliefs that keep us suppressing our emotions.

For example, common cultural beliefs tell us that:

• A person whose actions inflict harm is “evil.”
• A person who is “evil” must be punished.
• A person who is “good” couldn’t possibly inflict harm.
• A person who claims that a “good” person harmed them is causing that “good” person to be punished.
• A person who causes a “good” person to be punished is “evil.”

How are you feeling as you read these common, authoritarian cultural beliefs? Are you feeling safe, relaxed and expanded? When I read them, I feel worried, tense and contracted.

These fear-instilling cultural beliefs lead us into distorted webs of self-blame like this:

“My mom isn’t evil, and I don’t want her to be punished. And I don’t want to be evil by causing her to be punished. Therefore, I have to prove that she’s good by convincing myself that she’s never caused me any harm.”

This is the kind of distortion that cements our denial of our own emotional experience. And this is the kind of denial that prevents us from acknowledging our emotional wounds. So, we leave these wounds untreated and festering for years and years, making us chronically unwell, riddled with symptoms like anxiety, depression, physical pain and more.

Part of healing our bodies and minds is healing our beliefs and our language.

When someone you love hurts your feelings, instead of saying things like:

“They were just doing their best, so I shouldn’t feel hurt.”

You could try an alternative like this:

“Whether or not they meant to, their words and actions hurt me and now I need to tend to the wound.”

Likewise, when we hurt someone we love, we can acknowledge the impact without going into character assassination or denial.

Instead of:

“I hurt you, so I’m a terrible person.”

Or

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, so you shouldn’t feel hurt.”

How about something like:

“It wasn’t my intention to hurt you and I’m sorry that my actions wound up doing just that.”

What do you think? Do you relate to this?

What are the cultural beliefs that keep you in the habit of emotional suppression? And when you write those beliefs out on paper, are they really beliefs that you want to live by? Or would you like to write out some new beliefs of your own choosing?

With love, compassion and sincere belief in YOU,

💖 Anna

The post Beliefs That Block Recovery From Chronic Pain appeared first on Medika Life.

Anyone with a pet knows the close bond that develops and the mutual dependency shared. Whether you come home in the evening to be greeted by a rush of fur and telling vocals and jumps or cradled on the bed or couch, it’s comforting, and there’s a sense that your feelings are understood. Anyone who says animals aren’t sentient must read up on the latest literature on the topic.

When we consider animals, of any kind, as having an emotional attachment (consider pack mentality for dogs) to us, we can better understand that if they lost us, they would grieve.

Cats may show their love and attachment to you by “washing” you as they would other littermates. Ever wake up to a cat “washing” your face as you open your eyes in the morning? Sure, it may be that you “belong” to them, but most probably, it’s a sign of attachment and caring for you. Who said cats don’t show affection?

Yes, head rubbing (bunting) is a way of spreading their scent on you because you are a member of their social group, providing a sense of security for them. It’s essential social behavior for the cat. There is research to support these cat behaviors.

Pets are members of our world and our family, and they are our companions that provide unconditional love. How couldn’t you grieve if you lost a member of your family? It’s natural, and the loss of a pet is as real as any other loss of a member of our group.

Dr. Amy Sullivan said, “Pets are a part of your life. They provide that additional support and love, and they’ve gotten you through some very difficult times. And so in some cases, grieving a pet is even more difficult than grieving a human being.”

Do you need permission to grieve a death in your family? Of course not, and it’s no different here, either. The loss is painful; they will be missed and fondly remembered for the love and joy they brought into your life.

There is no set way to grieve or mourn the loss of a pet. Despite what some may say, no formula or steps exist, and you will find your appropriate way. The one thing that will be part of your grieving process is all the beautiful memories you need as a point of concentration.

Pets bring so much into our lives, and I’ve often wondered how not ever having had a pet might affect personal growth. No, I don’t have any research on this, but I think pet ownership makes us better people, and I admit that is a bias of mine. We’ve had many pets in our family.

I recall walking on a beach on Long Island one summer when a beautiful golden dog came running in my direction. A man walking a short distance behind the dog came by, and I asked, “Is that your dog?”

Looking amused, he responded, “No, he belongs to no one. I just keep him.” The dog wasn’t a stray, and the man was telling me that the dog was its owner.

The post Is Grieving the Death of a Pet Silly and Abnormal? appeared first on Medika Life.